Talking about my goals always makes me feel anxious. When I started writing this post of my dream 2021 it was December 25th and I can’t tell you how many times I wrote and erased, wrote and erased. You know me already and know I’m very dual: black-white, ying-yang. I go from one side to the other and I have a hard time tipping towards one side of the scale.
So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that it’s been 2 weeks since I started writing this wondering if I should (or not) share my New Year’s resolutions.
I must admit it makes me feel a tad uncomfortable not knowing who exactly reads what I pour out here; I think it’s probably not knowing people’s intentions that makes me feel the most anxious (hope they’re good <333). The jealous and ill-intentioned are always around the corner; 2019 and 2020 were the years I spent feeling the most jinxed by people’s energy because I kept allowing the wrong people in.
Anyways, the desire to keep track of my goals is stronger than all that, so welcome y’all to my dream 2021. Get ready because I got extra ambitious! (dreaming is for free after all).
Basically, it consists on visualizing very clearly how we want our ideal year to be like, focusing more on the type of life we want to achieve rather than focusing on endless resolutions list. Limitless dreaming about these 4 areas in life: wellbeing, traveling, relationships and career/job. Considering I don’t travel much, I decided to replace “traveling” with “recreational time”, which represents me better.
“Mindfully” would be the word encapsulating this whole category.
Last year made me slow down to a point where I realized that the things I thought I needed and wanted were just pure caprice/consumerism. Quarantine made me realize, for example, that I already have a large wardrobe full of clothes I wasn’t really living the hell out of. I also found myself using all those cute little notebooks I’ve been hoarding for years because “I have to write something worth re-reading on them, otherwise it’s such a waste and a pity”. As if I had to keep every single one of them just because they’re pretty.
My well-being does not depend on what I buy. It depends on the way I use and interact with these objects I acquire.
This is the category that excites me the most, which is probably why I spend double the time thinking about it compared to the rest. There’s something about getting better and learning new things that secudes me. I feel like investing in this part of my life gives meaning to the rest. Investing in my creating career brings out the best in me and, as a result, I can give my loved ones the best version there is of myself every day.
So it’s no surprise this is the category where I got the most ambitious.
It’s also the part of my life where I doubt myself and my self-worth the most. It makes me feel slightly better to know that we all have these inner demons we’re battling 24/7 and that I’m not the only one struggling with the infamous “impostor syndrome”, but I wish I could go back to that stubbornness I had as a teenager and just thought I was the greatest of them all even if back then wasn’t the truth. Fake it till you make it, right?
I feel like I’ve got to be perfect and I don’t allow my work to have any flaws, even when I know that flaws are also a beautiful part of the job. It makes us human.
I’ve been slowly coming to terms with my perfection since watching close Yvie Oddly’s work since Drag Race.
I don’t need a Pinterest house or a perfectly white painted wall to make great content. Besides, to be honest, that’s not how my actual life is like, and I’m tired of being shown anything but fake lives on the internet. My mother’s house has dark wooden floors, and even if I have white walls it’s just really tiring to just shoot against them. Through the years I’ve become so against the concept of “you have to have a niche”. People aren’t niches! We’re a bunch of things all mashed up together and I don’t want my personal brand to be reduced to just one tiny little part of me.
You can’t say that I didn’t try to niche though. At the beginning of 2020 I tried to center my style around the girly side of my aesthetics and I also tried to switch my account to make it creative photography exclusive. What ended up happening is that I posted less and less content because I was under so much pressure to niche niche niche. I wasn’t even feeling creative anymore. Nothing was Instagram-worthy or “creative enough” to be uploaded.
The truth is that I love experimenting and trying different things. And even if my style is fundamentally “girly” and “feminine”, every once in a while I like wearing something completely different and I’d love to share that with you all. It’s also true that I like in a house with a million different textures: I’ve got white walls, brick walls and a lot of green. I obviously feel inclined to pick only one aesthetic to make my grid look more “polished”, but this is not a real representation of what my life is like.
This year I want to focus on creating more in order to get better. Not necessarily a big volume of work, but I want to keep things coming to my blog and social media consistently.
I can’t believe how social I was in 2020 😂 I literally met more people last year than ever in my life hahaha.
That said, I don’t have the intention of having dozens and dozens of friends. But I do want to keep the door open for new people to come into my life like I did in 2020. Last year I met many amazing people that stayed for good and also let go of some others who weren’t really adding anything of value to my life (thank you for the lessons, see ya, mwa!). I am especially grateful to Discord because that was the meeting point of almost all my interactions during quarantine.
I also want to go back to using social media for the original purpose it was created: socializing. After all the changes we’re seeing in algorithms, it seems like the only thing left to enjoy from the apps at least for me.
Can you believe I kept diligently working out during quarante? I know, I can’t either 😂 I hardly skipped any of my krav maga classes and I’m in fact very close to getting my first belt! (between that belt and me there only exists freaking Covid 🤬). I managed to run almost on a daily basis, although I desisted during summer because I just can’t deal with Argentina’s heat even in the early hours of the morning.
This year I want to keep taking part in these activities that make me feel great. Some help me get closer to my long term goals, and others I just do for the extra serotonin.
I added a new activity to this repertoire recently: drawing. If you follow me on my main Instagram account you will know that, as of January 1st, I’ve opened a second account for my fashion illustrations.
You have no idea how much 2021 scares the crap out of me
But, as I always say, the most important thing is not letting ourselves become paralyzed by fear.
I wish you a better 2021, from the bottom of my heart.
Oh, and don’t be stoopid and don’t set the bar too high like me LOL.
Word of the year:
Hat from H&M
Blouse from Zara
Romper (from my mom, I don’t know the brand)
Socks from Primark
Shoes from Lady Stork