This blog turned 4 years old yesterday. i can’t believe it’s been this long already! Even though I’ve had my comings and goings with digital content creation and I thought about giving up more than once.
The truth is that I could never truly leave. In 2017 I started doing “blogaversary” posts analyzing every year the blog turned “older” (can it…?). Of course I skipped 2019, for obvious “bad year” reasons 😛 This is how in 2017 I thanked the Internet for everything it had given me, and in 2018 I set 3 goals to myself related to my presence online (2 of which came true!).
Nevertheless, this year I wanted to do something different. Something I started seeing in Retro Flame‘s blog and then saw PennyLaneBlog doing in Spanish: “my dream 20XX”.
And there’s no better time for doing this than in a blog anniversary, right? 🙂
Basically, it consists on visualizing very clearly how we want our ideal year to be like, focusing more on the type of life we want to achieve rather than focusing on endless resolutions list. Limitless dreaming about these 4 areas in life: wellbeing, traveling, relationships and career/job. Considering I don’t travel much, I decided to replace “traveling” with “recreational time”, which represents me better.
I’ve been going back and forth through these years with goals and resolutions. I feel like more than half of the outcome of those depend on external factors rather than being 100% my responsibility and, usually, if I don’t achieve then I get very frustrated. To me it makes no sense to set yourself to get something that depends, even in a smallest part, on third parties. That’s why I’m trying to focus on the way I want to feel instead, like the book El Mapa del Deseño suggests (I’m going to talk further about this in another post).
This category deserves to go first because, my gosh, last year was TREMENDOUS in terms of relationships. For both good and bad.
I made some friendships that nowadays are very intimate and met people whom I have hopes will end up being very close as well, but the truth is that in the are of “romantic relationships” I’ve been failing like a champ LOL.
I’ve already made peace with the fact that I want to have a monogamous romantic relationship. I battled myself inwardly for months about this, thinking that, as a “good feminist”, it was my duty to fight this desire; I just didn’t have to fall into the patriarchy trap! But the truth is that I chose this AMONG an ample variety of options that (thankfully) feminism has given us, so I’ve come to terms with that.
The problem comes with the fact that I’ve been choosing the potential partners REALLY wrong. Insensitive guys, with very little empathy and zero emotional intelligence. Those kind that tell you what you want to hear and play the card of “I want something serious as well”, and as soon as they get what they want, PUFF! they ghost you.
There is of course and underlying reason of why I keep choosing the same type of man, a reason I could luckily identify in therapy. I am now very aware of my pattern and, far from victimizing myself and being my worst critic, this year I choose to be aware of this and prioritize myself. Close the door right away when I notice these deal breakers, even when the heart desires something that my mind clearly says “that’s not the way, honey”.
I want to be able to give myself the time and patience to actually get to know someone and get them to know me without anxiety getting in the way.
To close off the category, another intention for this 2020, is to focus more on friendships. What a wonderful thing friendships are! It feels like I forget how WONDERFUL and magic my friends are when I focus so much of my energy in finding a partner. I don’t think I’ve been a bad friend in 2019, but I most definitely want to be a better one in 2020.
My progress with therapy is key in this category. I want to be able to lower the anxiety levels I carry with me in every situation in my life. I want to be emotionally more stable and feel a bit lighter. And, in the topic of feeling lighter, learning not to put anything heavy over my shoulders unless strictly necessary.
I have the intention of getting more involved in astrology. This year I want to have done the solar revolution, near my birthday, and the akashic register. I have realized that astrology has been a source of powerful self-discovery last year and I want to continue investing time and energy in learning more about it.
Last but not least, I want to stop wasting energy on people who are not worth my love and attention. I’m a giver, that’s true. But usually what happens is that I give, give and give and get something very poor (or nothing) in return, and that affects my wellbeing deeply.
I decided to replace the “traveling” category with this one because: a) I haven’t been traveling much; b) I’ve got a lot of hobbies and activities that I do just for the pleasure of it that I believe are important to my life.
Between these activition we can find the gym, krav maga, League of Legends (gaming), reading, watching Netflix. All these things are probably a time loss for some people, but to me, they are the key to my mental sanity.
We live in an age where “being busy” is praised and we look down on the precious downtime. I ask myself (and you) two questions: Since when something non-productive is labeled as “nothing”? And, who saiys what IS productive?
At this point in my career, I have it very clear in my head that I won’t do anything extraordinary to live off of my social media accounts; I know what I have to do to grow, but I have zero interest in participating in events or making connections with “it people” in the industry “to make it”. I’d love to become my own boss some day and gain a sense of financial independence, but only under my own terms and conditions and not under someone else’s rules.
My intention with this blog and my social accounts, is to use them as a space of self-discovery, for me and for the people who read it/watch it. In fact, if I recall my latest messages on Instagram, that’s actually what you come for. I want to share with you useful things and daily occurrences; I want to chat and take back the “social” in social media. I want to upload and write about the things I care about and not “the ones that work best” (you won’t see me uploading 20 stories of “what’s new in Zara” :P)
Creatively, I want to surpass myself. Write more and better. Have fun making videos for YouTube. Document my style every day and look back every once in a while to analyze what was going on then. I want to play dress-up with my closet. I want to re-brand this space and find the look that suits this new self of mine best.
I hope you found this post useful and serves as inspiration to make you think about the way YOU want to feel this 2020, independently of your measurable goals for this year.
On my side, I hope this is one of many posts to come where I dream about my life and celebrate another blog anniversary ♥ Flor.