Revelation Time: My Apartment

It’s been 5months now since I moved out alone.

It’s amazing to see how time flies, and the amount of things that happened in my life since January this new year, as I started this new chapter in my life. Sometimes I laugh out loud about how fast and slow things tend to happen in my life. Last year I have very little memories of significant things happening to me, yet 2019 is already full of them! So many milestones: I started the year as a couple with someone I loved, I started therapy and body pump classes at the gym. I went through so many ups and downs at work, with March ending with the most depressing event of all: the person I loved and had all my hopes for, cast me aside through all these changes.

I still don’t know where do I get the strength from to go through all these changes and keep myself whole. Or maybe I do: I’m brave, and resilient. I believe in my capacity for dealing with change and I know these always shape me for the better and move me into the right direction. They make me a better friend, daughter, niece, partner, lover.

And even when change TERRIFIES me, I’m still betting for it, I’m still leaping into it “despite”. Because nothing new comes out from inactivity. Nothing changes, nothing new and exciting is born. Imagine how much I’m betting for change, that I prefer suffering from a break up rather than not feeling anything at all.

Moving out alone was such a major change

Used to living 26 years in my mom’s house with her, I was terrified with the idea of seeing myself living alone: how good would I be at cooking for myself? Would I be able to feed myself some healthy, nutritious food? Would I be scared of sleeping on my own knowing no one else in the apartment was with me? How would I deal with my expenses? All of these, totally reasonable fears when you’re transitioning into such a major change in your life. After all, it’s one chapter that ends and makes room for a new one to start!

But, you know what?

I wasn’t scared of sleeping alone the first night, or the second, or the third. I’m eating well (ehem… I could be eating better though 😛 more elaborate things), I’m sleeping well, I’m pampering myself juuuuust fine, and I can pay rent and the rest of my expenses in time.

I didn’t feel like living alone was such a big deal

Everybody was telling me that I was going to feel weird, that I’d miss my mother’s house, that I’d suffer the sudden silence of no one living alongside with me.

But I ended up feeling none of those things!

But these DID happen:

1. Mom and I got so used to living alone and having our own space. Sometimes we visit each other and get tired so easily of being together! 😂
2. I miss my bed when I don’t sleep at home.
3. I feel more comfortable and free of recording videos for YouTube and uploading stories on Instagram. Call me ridiculous, but with mom present doing this was SO HARD!
As a result, I feel more creative!

Do you live on your own? How was your first experience?


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